


Well Look What The Cat Dragged In

by Edgy_Trashbag



Category: Phan, Phandom, fantastic foursome - Fandom
Genre: Bullying, Enemies to Lovers, Gay, I wish this was less sad, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Sad Ending, Suicide, punk!phil and pastel!dan - Freeform, very gay tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-04 19:07:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10286861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy_Trashbag/pseuds/Edgy_Trashbag
Summary: Dan Howell is just a young boy being sent off to boarding school so his parents don't have to deal with him and his roommate isn't exactly the greatest person to live with





	1. New Place, New annoying roommate

**Author's Note:**

> So the hatred thing was inspired my "What is This Feeling?" From wicked and I'm going to add some lyrics to the next chapter anyways enjoy.

To be fair, I have always wanted to go to boarding school just not now, I mean boarding school has so many opportunities but I had finally made friends. I just have never really had friends, I wasn't super close to the ones I had finally made but at least I had a group, but that's all over now. People tend to dislike me as I wear mainly pastel colors and act "too gay," I'm just hoping I'm not known as "Dan Howell the fag." Yeah I get great nicknames...

 

\---- Another boarding school, just what I need, because clearly all the other ones helped so much. It's just another place to get me out of my parents hair while they praise Martyn for being the picture perfect child. I mean I feel bad for misbehaving as everyone calls it, (I call it expressing myself) it's just a couple of tattoos and piercings and occasional partying. I'll just have a dumbass roommate who will have to deal with my 'bad habits' and I'll have to deal with their complaining, God so much complaining.

 

\-------- Well this is it. After being dropped off and waiting for my room number and key for hours and hours (like thirty minutes) I finally get my room number, key, and even the name of my roommate. "Phil Lester." I crumple the paper into my pocket. This will be fun.   
It took a while to find the building I will be staying in but once I saw it, I got a bad gut feeling, nothing to worry about, just first day anxiety. God what if my roommate hates me? God what if he makes fun of my clothing style? I mean my baby pink sweater and white skinny jeans paired with my baby pink converse was pretty stylish but that's not the point.

I knocked on my room door 307, my new room. I didn't wait for an answer and I opened the door, seeing my roommate. He was covered in tattoos from head to toe, and piercings all over his ears and face, and something not too crazy, dyed black hair. This man looked like he was going to be angsty as hell. One other thing was that this man was extremely gorgeous, his eyes were a nice shade of blue that made my heart melt.   
"Hello, did you zone out?" Phil spoke angrily. "Or are you just gay?" Well this man knew how to push some buttons.   
"Oh wow soft colors obviously equal gay, good job on that nice insult. Very creative and original." If Phil was going to be a dick, so was I.   
"I would keep your mouth shut if I were you." Was he threatening me? I mean I know I shouldn't worry but this isn't very good. "Stop being a fag and just go set yourself up I'm leaving." He took a bag with him and left. I couldn't help but to cry at what had just happened. I didn't even do anything to him to make him angry. He was just being rude. Everyone is when you look like I do.


	2. How About You Shut Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil keep getting into arguments about everything they do. Dan accidentally walked into the bathroom whilst Phil was showering and Phil gets angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm typing this on my laptop and I've realized that all of my chapters are really short so this chapter may be a lot longer. if you are on a phone it might get really long. Forgive me.

I had fallen asleep far before Phil came back and left again before I woke up. I only knew he had came back because some of his stuff had been thrown on his bed. I wish that he would just stay here so we could talk for a couple of minutes, he just left so abruptly. Maybe soon he will just come back and apologize for his terrible manners. I was raised in a pretty proper household so bad manners just really make me angry.

It was two in the afternoon when Phil finally arrived back to our dorm. He shoved the door open and walked over to his bed with a scowl on his face. I didn't want to intervene as he looked furious. He angrily sat down on his bed and started bunching up his blanket. I felt really bad for him, he is probably having a really bad day today.   
"You okay?" I am probably going to regret asking this.   
"YES!" He yelled.   
"You don't seem okay." I shrug.   
"Just shut the fuck up. I'm going to shower." He sat up swiftly grabbing a bag and a towel and slammed the bathroom door. These dorms may be boring but at least each dorm has its own bathroom. 

Without thinking I walk into the bathroom to grab a towel from the cabinet to clean up a spill. I dropped my ribena on the floor. That is when I made a grave mistake. Walking in on a straight boy showering who already thinks I'm gay. He didn't notice me at first as he was too busy crying. I tried to get to the cabinet without making any noise; I almost succeeded too, but I didn't. When closing the cabinet I accidentally let the slammed the cabinet door shut.   
"What the fuck?'" Well this isn't good.   
"I am just grabbing a towel don't freak out." I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.   
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU FREAK!" Yeah this is not good at all. I am forever dead. 

He didn't stay in the shower much longer and when the water stopped he quickly put on clothes. He came out of the bathroom wearing a nirvana t-shirt and ripped black skinny jeans. I couldn't help but stare.


	3. Talk To Me Quietly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Phil gets drunk and Dan looks after him it's kinda shitty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted in so long but it's because I've been really busy testing and end of quarter and then my big sister got married two days ago

Of course I stared; he was one of the hottest guys I've ever seen, in my entire life. He waved his hand in front of my face.   
"Did you zone out?" He asks rudely.   
"Yeah." I mumble, I have a habit of mumbling a lot.   
"Well isn't that nice." He smirked and then sat on his bed, the opposite side of the room, yet I feel so close to him. Too close.   
"So can you tell me why you were crying in the shower?" His face looked horrified after I said that.  
"Uh... I got... Umm.. Soap in my eye." He fiddled with his fingers nervously.   
"Hmmm, I don't buy it."   
"Whatever you fucking fag." He was furious so he grabbed his phone and left. Sometimes I make people angry. By sometimes I mean 24/7. 

It was already 11 pm when Phil returned, he didn't return alone. He had a girl at his side with the curliest ginger hair I've ever seen. She had freckles all over her face and the brightest green eyes possible. She was every straight guys dream.   
His arm wrapped around her waist and her arm was grabbing at his side. It was way past curfew so I have no clue how they are getting away with this. They walk over to Phils bed and she sits on top of him as he lays on his back. I left.   
I grabbed my phone and ran out the door with tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I got so upset but I did. I ran through the hallway up to a staircase leading to the roof. I don't think I'm supposed to be up here but I really don't care. 

It was very quiet up on the roof. Well until Phil came up to smoke. He didn't see me so I just watched him. He was sitting my the ledge and looking over with tears in his eyes. He had his backpack with him and took out some whiskey and sat down by the ledge taking occasional swigs. He fell asleep, I felt so bad for him, what was troubling this boy to constantly cry and smoke and drink? 

I walked over to him and shook him awake. He looked around quickly before pushing me away. He shoved me onto the ground and yelled at me with his alcohol breath.   
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Tears streaming down his face. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"   
"Shhhh, it's okay. You're drunk and I need to get you back to the room so you don't get caught." I whisper gently.   
"Okay," he gave up on trying to fight and stood up following me slowly. "I'm really sorry about this, this doesn't happen often." His words slurred, his eyes full of lies.

I didn't speak to him until we got back to the dorm room. It was already 2:37a.m. by the time we got back. The ginger was still in his bed when we entered and she was watching Netflix.   
"Can I ask why you're still here?" I ask fiercely.  
"Don't ask to many questions but drunk boy promised me alcohol if I pretended to be into him whilst you were here." She shrugs.  
"What? Why?" I question.  
"You'll figure it out. Also hand me the whiskey I'm not returning it. Bye" she took the whiskey from the bag and left.   
-  
-  
-  
I woke up with a blazing headache. Dan was gone but it was only 6:45 a.m. On my bedside table was Tylenol with a water bottle and a note.   
"Dear Phil,   
I know you probably have a hangover so I got some Tylenol and a water bottle for you. Stay hydrated today and also ginger stole your whiskey.  
-Danny"   
I smile like an idiot until I know what this means. He's getting too close to me. He must know things he shouldn't.  
He's been the nicest person to me since I've gotten here, I don't want people being nice to me. God I need to be a bigger dick.   
I notice the sensation of tears on my face and realize I've been crying. God I need to stop doing this. I didn't think that anybody could be this nice to me but he is even after I've been such a dick.

What did I do to deserve such kindness? I don't deserve it at all. He doesn't deserve this hatred from me but I can't be nice to him. If all the guys knew I was nice to him? I would be done for, all my secrets exposed, everything would be gone. 

I hear the lock on the door click and I fake being asleep. I can't let him see me like this. If he sees me crying again he will know somethings going on. I can't let him know that. The first thing Dan does when he walks into the room is walk over to my bed. Is he checking on me? Does he actually care?   
"Phil?" I hear him whisper calmly but I don't react. "Phil are you okay?" He brushes his warm fingers over my cheek.   
"Have you been crying again?" He is going to be persistent. "It's okay, whatever problem it is, we can talk about it. You have the potential to be such a nice person and I know deep down you are, so why don't you show it?" He sits on the bed next to me. "Phil it's okay. Nobody is going to be angry at you for anything if you just talk about your feelings. Also I know you're awake." 

"How did you know I was awake?" I glare at him. "Also get out of my bed you freak." Tears are streaming down my face but I don't care.  
"Phil. Shhhhhh. It's okay." He puts his hand over my cheek again. "I'm going to sit here until you tell me what's wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter I worked really hard on it


	4. What are you scared of?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst leads to fluff and gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna be online for a couple of days so I'm getting this chapter out before I have no wifi

"Nothing is wrong." Phil whispers to me. I know he's lying. He's clearly lying.  
"I know you're lying." I whisper to him and move the hair out of his face. "People who are fine don't cry all morning and night."  
"Okay well maybe I'm not okay but it's nothing for you to worry about."  
He's clearly trying to hide things. "Just leave me alone!" Tears are still streaming down his cheeks.  
"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay." I whisper gently into his ear. "But I'm not leaving you."  
"OFF!" He shoves me away and I fall to the floor.  
Tears stream down my face. Again I shouldn't be upset but I am. I feel so betrayed. I just wanted to be nice. I take my stuff and I run again. I run all the way to the roof without stopping. I sit and I cry for what feels like hours.

 

I'm sitting against the edge of the roof. I know I shouldn't feel the need to jump but I do. I'm not going to do it but I want to. I stand up and look over the railing. It's only a couple floors down. It would be a short fall. I feel the need to do it more than ever now.  
"Dan?" I look behind me and see Phil. "Step away from the edge, NOW!" He runs up to me and pulls me back. And we both trip over and I'm laying on top of him.  
"Dan? What the fuck where you doing?" I just shrug my shoulders.  
"Nothing." I whisper. "I'm fine."  
We both sit up and he pulls me into his lap and arms.  
"Clearly you aren't." He whispers to me. I have never been this close to another person and I think that I'm not breathing.  
"I'm fine." I whisper as a tear drips down my cheek.  
"Your heartbeat is very rapid." He puts his hand over my chest. "Are you okay?"  
I nod my head yes and I let all of the tears fall down my face. I feel like somebody actually cares for me right now. I haven't felt like this since I was a little kid.  
"Let's take you back to the room." He tugs on my wrist.  
"I don't want to get up." I whine.  
"I'll carry you." He suggests.  
"That sounds better." He wipes the tears out of my eyes and picks me up. He carries me all the way back to our dorm and lies me down on his bed. "You'll sleep in my bed with me because I can't trust you anywhere else tonight. Class starts tomorrow and you wouldn't want to miss your first day because you killed yourself."  
"Thank you." 

 

We never talked about this moment afterwards, he decided he would pretend it never happened. Weeks pass by. He continues to bully me and call me names. I'm still a fag in his eyes. Guess the whole being nice was a one time thing. Even after all of this, I think I love him. 

 

Months pass. It is now December. Winter break starts next week. He calls me names every chance he gets but I still hear him crying to himself in the shower. One time whilst he was in the shower I searched through his stuff. I found a notebook. It was light blue, the same exact shade of the pastel jumper I'm wearing. Ironic.

I ran over to my bed whilst clutching it. I start reading. I skim through a couple pages until I stumble on an entry from just last night.  
"Dear diary,  
I think I'm in love with my roommate. Well more like, I know I'm in love with my roommate. He's kind, sweet, funny, insanely cute. I just wish he didn't hate me. I wish I didn't have to bully him just so he doesn't find out. Even though we all know he's gay nobody could ever like somebody as terrible as I am."  
Well the hottest boy in this school thinks I'm cute and he's also gay. SCORE! Now if only I can let him know I like him too without bringing up the fact that I stole his diary. 

 

A week passes and I say nothing, and he says nothing to me. I returned the diary before he got out of the shower. I should really speak up but I can't say anything.  
Winter break starts tomorrow. I'm not going back home though. My parents don't want me home and I don't really want to be home. I'm probably the only person staying behind. Nobody else stays behind because everybody has a family who loves them. I don't.  
However Phil hasn't packed up at all so it seems like he might not be going back home either. I'm gonna and him about it. But maybe I shouldn't. What if he gets angry and shoves me against a wall. Okay never mind that would be kind of hot. Okay I need to stop thinking these things. Suddenly I get snapped out of my thoughts.  
"Hey, Umm, Dan?" Phil asks whilst picking at the back of his freshly washed hair.  
"Yeah?" I inquire.  
"Never mind." He walks back over to his bed and sits on it.  
"What?" I ask pushingly.  
"Nothing, nothing at all."  
I get up and I sit on his bed right next to him. "Tell me right now." I bother him.  
"Well, if you aren't going back home for Christmas break do you want to hang out with me tomorrow since almost everybody else is going back home." He speaks quickly.  
"Of course!" I say gleefully.  
"Okay, what should we do?" He asks cheerfully.  
"We can go to the roof," I suggest.  
He nods and we sit there in comfortable silence for about five minutes before Phil speaks up again.  
"Let's go to the roof right now."  
"Phil, it's already midnight." I whisper softly.  
"I know." He grabs my hand and we get up. We walk to the roof and sit down opposite of each other. We start talking about what we want to do in the future. What we think the meaning of life is. If we believe in aliens. All of this shit.  
Suddenly we see the sun start to rise. Its 7:30 a.m. We've been sitting out here for about seven and a half hours talking. It's amazing. When Phil saw the time he blushed which made me blush and it was kinda like a cycle of blushing. Phil placed his hand on my light purple skinny jeans just above me knee. But then he quickly removed it.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to do it." He mumbles  
"No, it's okay." I whisper. "I kinda liked it actually." We both blush. I only blushed because he did!  
"Oh." He places his hand back on my thigh. Goddamn am I happy. I mean this is pretty goddamn amazing. "You're so pretty, does anybody tell you that?" Phil whispers to me.  
"Not really." I say quietly. "I'm kinda getting cold."  
"Do you want to sit on my lap?" Phil whispers. "It'll be warmer."  
"Why not?" I say and sit on his lap. And then I lay down on his lap and look up at his face. He's the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. He occasionally wipes my fringe out of my face and I get a warm tingly feeling in my chest every time he does. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. I don't know why I don't ask him to be my boyfriend right now but that can wait. I don't want to ruin this moment.  
"Let's get back to our room soon, you're getting cold." Phil says softly. I nod at him but refuse to speak. Right now isn't a time for me to speak. I'm too happy to have to speak. 

When we are back in our room we sit on his bed and lay down together. I lean over and lay my arm on top of his chest and he smiles at me. I can't help blushing. It's not my fault he's so beautiful.  
"Hey, Dan?" Phil whispers sweetly.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm sorry about everything I've said before." Phil wiped a tear from his eye. " I was just scared."  
"Of what?" I ask.  
"Of this." And then he leans over end kisses me. It takes me a second to realize what is going on but once I do I kiss back. It was like magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So whenever I'm writing this I keep accidentally deleting it and the original version of this chapter has Dan beaten up, but luckily the chapter disappeared and I rewrote something better?


	5. My Friend Never Said Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, I'm sorry I didn't know I was gonna end it like this!

After about two minutes we stopped kissing. I kinda wish we hadn't but why we stopped was way better.  
"Dan?" Phil asks happily.  
"Yeah?"   
"Could we do this more often?"   
"Of course." I reply. After he smiled we get back to kissing. And then all we do is kiss for hours and hours. Until somebody knocks on our door .  
"Yeah?" Phil called out.   
"It's just the dorm manager seeing who's staying over break. Is Phil Lester staying?"   
"Yeah."   
"And what about a Dan Howell?" He pronounced my last name HOW WELL.   
"Yup." I call out. Then the man leaves. I look back at Phil and he touches my face with the back of his hand and smiles, which makes me blush, which makes him blush. Phil is so cute when he blushes I just want to grab his face with both my hands. He kisses me gently on the forehead.   
"We should probably get breakfast soon." Phil whispers.   
"Do we have to?" I whisper  
"Not yet." He said softly. I wish this moment would never end. I want this to be the rest of my life. 

 

We did that about every single day. Until winter break ended. Things were almost like before. There was an occasional kiss but pretty soon it all went away. I don't know why. Maybe he doesn't know why. After A week of him ignoring me I realized something was wrong.

Maybe I'll never know why?   
Was it something I did? Did I say something wrong? I mean I he was moody but so was I. What went wrong? 

"Hey," I say to Phil as I walk into the room.   
"Hi." He seems very concentrated on his phone and almost like he doesn't care about me.   
I decide it's not worth trying to talk to him. I go to the bathroom and peel off my clothes. I lock the door and I turn on the shower and then I sit in the tub. I sob and I sob and I sob.   
DAMNIT WHAT WENT WRONG? I didn't do anything to him at all! Why won't he talk to me anymore? I don't know what to do except cry and cry and cry.   
When I leave the bathroom I notice Phil is gone. I look for him in the room but he's nowhere to be seen. I notice a note on my bed. It read:  
"Farewell my sweet friend, I hope to see you again but sadly I just need my life to end."   
I run to the roof top but he's not there. I look over the edge and see the most horrific sight there is to see. My roommate is lying dead on the pavement ground.   
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "NO, NO"   
I run to find a campus police and once I do I tell him everything. I show him the note, I tell him all about everything between us. I let him know about my encounters with him. Everything. 

The funeral was the following week. I met his mother and father. Tears were streaming down their face and mine. Everybody was crying. Some of his friends blamed me, some blamed his parents. I blamed myself. If it weren't for me would he still be alive? 

I go back to his grave every week. I cry and cry and cry every single time. I cry myself to sleep and I forbid myself to be happy. My sweet sweet friend is gone. 

It's been a year since Phils death and I still blame myself for what happened. Everything I did or said I've thought about. Everybody is telling me to get over him but I can't. "He's not worth it Danny." But what do they know? What does anyone know? NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW HOW HE BROKE MY HEART.   
I walk to his grave and place daisies. I tell him a story and I ask him why he did it. Philip the he man, he'd act like such a macho man. I'll never forget the first time he kissed me. It's not what either of us expected but it was amazing. I guess he helped me through a lot of things. I guess I should have helped back.   
"I'm sorry I can't come see you anymore, my doctor says it's not healthy to dwell on the past, so I've come for the last time. Just one last time to say goodbye to my sweet sweet friend, Phil, I love you. I'll always remember this, and I'll remember you as my friend who never said goodbye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I totally had no idea how I was going to end this story so I decided I would end it like this, also the ending is totally based off this one scene I did for drama called, "my friend never said goodbye" and if you can find it I would totally read it, I was Annie and my friend was tommy it's really sad. So yeah I hope you enjoyed and I'll probably have a new phanfiction out within a month! I have a lot out already some of which are pretty bad but you should definetly read "maybe one day" because I put a lot of work into it and also, "hold me in your cold arms" the other ones are kinda shitty but still read them anyways lol

**Author's Note:**

> GUYS IM FINALLY BACK!!!!!!!! I just had no inspiration for a while and no fics to write and oh yeah!! I got the kittens and they have been really good! Ahhhhhhhhh anyways hope you enjoyed! Leave kudos and a comment and also read all of my other fics because they are all finished


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